Photo By: Bidgee
out in the world of shopping today
people queued for discounted
overpriced lightweight cycling shirts
and other accoutrements in the colour
of the LSD rainbow
whilst nearby, in Builder’s Warehouse
lawnmowers awaited the surge of summer
and hundreds of door handles
a hand to hold
and tug them from their lonesome
disassembly into the wood
of a home where a dartboard awaits
in Athlone, near Mecca Plan Car Spares,
taxis rolled out their shouts and stirred
their backsides over the train bridge
and headed for Jan Smuts
at Merrypak, Pinelands, people sat in the coffee shop
like it was the most natural thing in the world
to be meeting your friend or your aunt
in a shop that sells padded envelopes
highligthers and thick, gold paper
Voortrekker Road, Maitland, yielded
a sidestreet called Quality
– not a joke, no –
and a man with big strides
wearing a blue and white motocross shirt
and red and black clown pants
billowing in the wind
he sailed past the nose of my car
a Czar, an alien, a ship towards
the New Continent
the Liesbeek was fat and full
like a muddy highway
or that river in Terry Pratchett’s
across which you could run
if you were quick
the fishing shop which was supposed to be
next to the movie prop shop in Salt River Road
wasn’t there at all
it was a figment of the imagination
of the past memories
of the person who
told me about it
where, oh, where, shall my size 9
green, lightly padded
I found solace at Makro
where a thousand people
with trolleys bought large chocolates
and cricket sets and shit
while a local soprano came on the intercom
and sang while I sent you a text message
from the koki rack
in the stationery aisle
I smiled and I longed
and I packed a six-pack of baked beans
and another of sweetcorn
and a lime-green plastic chair
into my trolley
and then I drove home
that I had bought
a fire blanket
at Builder’s Warehouse
Heads Up: Toast and The Buckfever Underground are going on an national tour of living rooms from the last week in October to mid November. Dates are below.
The band recently posted on Facebook: Righto, “So we’re touring soon and while some of the smaller shows are free/donations only, we’re running Port Elizabeth, Durban, Joburg and Pretoria via the Troubadour crowdfunding platform. So if you plan to come to one of those shows, do visit this link pronto, pledge your cash (it will help us to have fuel in the tank for when we set out on this 19-date tour…) and we’ll see you there! Feel free to send the link on to any friends in your city/ area who you reckon might be keen… Dankie!”
The band also posted, “This is coming soon, via our good friends at Laugh it Off. Our 2013 tour t-shirt. Men’s and women’s cuts. Price to be confirmed. Advance orders direct to Toast at email@example.com”
25 October, Friday – Cape Town, at The Institute of Amazing Shit (Albert Road)
Support: Arno’s band
26 October, Saturday – Pringle Bay, at PeriGators.
With Chris Wait.
27 October, Sunday – Onrus, at Tannie Jenny’s house.
Met Chris Wait.
28 October, Monday – George, at Adolph van Coller’s house
Support: Mavis Vermaak
29 October, Tuesday – Plettenberg Bay, at The Surf Café
Afterparty at Cindy Wilson Trollip’s house
30 October, Wednesday – Port Elizabeth, at A&A Guesthouse in Mill Park
31 October, Thursday – Grahamstown. Exact venue TBC if those slack-asses can make up their minds.
Support: Errant Dopeheads
1 November, Friday – Cintsa, at Buccaneers Backpackers
2 November, Saturday – Port St Johns, at Mad Hatters Backpackers, Port St Johns
Support set by local musicians.
3 November, Sunday – Durban, at Michael Cross’s house.
Support set: Gil and others TBC
Afterparty: Greg Lomas’s house
4 November, Monday – Johannesburg, at Glen Tyler’s house.
Support sets: Gil, Phehello Mofokeng
5 November, Tuesday – Pretoria, at Mootgevalle (Charles Badenhorst’s house) in Die Moot.
Support by Phehello Mofokeng and Bittervrug.
6 November, Wednesday – Vereeniging, at Stefan Burger’s house.
Support from Niel van Deventer (poet) and Phehello Mofokeng
7 November, Thursday – Smithfield, at Nick’s Place
Support set by local poets, and Righard Kapp
8 November, Friday – Cradock, at Victoria Manor.
Support: Clinton v du Plessis.
9 November, Saturday – Prince Albert, at Gay’s Dairy.
Pete Reinders support
10 November, Sunday – McGregor, at Monica Haddad’s house.
11 November, Monday – Stellenbosch, at Willem Anker se huis.
Support: Willem, Christine Truter, Marlene van Niekerk
12 November, Tuesday – Cape Town, at Alexander Bar
With Die Skynmaagde and Hanru Niemand.